Handy Manny is still single because all of his friends are tools.
Life is what happens while you’re waiting for the oscillating fan to come back.
Me: I’m a quarter Mexican
My son: I’M A DIME MEXICAN!!!!
The line of clothes that Beyonce did for H&M will probably beyonsale soon.
Kids can be cruel. Mine tore my vagina open with his face.
“When I die, burn me up and sprinkle my ashes at Toys R Us!”
- My 6 year-old
The closest I get to confronting my enemies is not saying “bless you” when they sneeze.
Another sexy dream about the green M&M last night. I’m lonely.
Tinted windows are for people who pick their nose a lot.
My new favorite animator! studioafh.nl
I just downed a fifth of mayonnaise. Am I doing Cinco de Mayo wrong?
Elijah Wood isn’t gay, he’s just a metrognome.
A bitch on wheels.
Just finished voicing a little Final Fantasy…
Hey, Mesh Tank Top Guys! No.
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